When I agreed to write this article, in the back of mind I was thinking that yes, this story needs to be told. I am no writer by any stretch of the imagination, I have been sitting in front of my computer for 20 minutes in hopes of coming up with a catchy title, something to draw the reader, but that isn’t happening so I think after a little background, just jumping right in will probably serve me and the reader best. I am a 28 year old post-op male to female transsexual. I am 5’6” and weigh a whopping 122 pounds. The fact that I am a transsexual is not really relevant to this story and I only make mention of the fact because …well because this is a site for us….transsexuals. This could happen to any woman, anytime and anywhere. Before I continue there are just a couple of things that I would like to say. The event that I am about to relate took place in my state, my city, and in a place that I have been to many times. I am purposely leaving my name and location blank in order that you the reader insert your information, because this could happen to you. I am not trying to frighten anyone, but I believe that putting yourself in my shoes may drive home the message that I am hoping to convey. I am about to begin, and before you read this please be warned.
Graphic Details Ahead.
Yes it will be graphic; as it will help me heal and hopefully give you pause for thought.
It was just another average Friday night. My boyfriend was out of town on business, and I was puttering around the house, and chatting with friends on line. About 1:00 am a girlfriend called and asked me if I could possibly pick her up from work and give her a ride home. I have done this many times so it was no big deal. I threw on a sweater and the skirt I had been wearing earlier, grabbed my purse and keys and headed out to the garage.
“Come on Max; go for a ride with mommy.”
(Max, being my 130 pound Rottweiler).
I put Max in the back of my SUV and climbed into the driver’s seat. When I started the truck, the low fuel light came on.
“Damn, I don’t want to stop for gas.”
I decided to take my BMW instead of stopping for gas, but Max is too big and too hyper to be hauling around in a small car, so I left him home. This was to be the first of a few bad decisions that I would make that night. About a mile from my destination, a dark colored car pulled out of a parking lot and right into my path. We were able to stop in time, but we ended up more or less face to face. The driver of the other car saying something to me, but I couldn’t hear him, and I imagined by his look that it was none too pleasant. Then he gave me the finger and backed up. I returned the favor and drove off.
Shortly thereafter as I approached the underground parking structure at my friend’s place of employment, I dialed her cell to let her know I was there and would be waiting in my car by the elevator where the employees exit the hotel. She didn’t answer so I just figured I’d park and wait. When I got to the spot where I normally wait, there was a lot of construction material lying around and no place to park. I tried calling her again and still no answer. I was about 15 minutes early so I decided to drive to the next lower level, park my car and walk up to wait for her by the elevator. The place I parked was pretty full, but I found a spot that was not too far from the stairs although a bit dark. I got out locked the doors, and threw my keys into my purse. (This would be my second mistake and one that could have cost me my life).
When I looked up I saw a man walking in my direction, but didn’t think much about it, he was looking around, and not at me. We reached the back of my car at about the same time. Now he was looking at me. He stopped in front of me while I was still between my car and the one beside mine. I thought maybe he was going to ask me a question or something, but he had this look on his face. I still hadn’t put it together that he was the guy in the car I had almost run into.
“Bitch what is your problem! Who taught you how to drive? Fucking rich bitch driving a fancy car, you think you can do anything you please and get away with it!”
Now I knew who he was. I glanced behind me, but there was a wall and no place to go. He was still cursing at me and moving closer.I said,
“well you almost hit me. And I am sorry if I upset you, I shouldn’t have flipped you off. I am sorry.”
“You say that now, but you are going to be a lot sorrier, just because you’re a girl doesn’t mean I won’t fuck you up.”
I tried to walk past him but he pushed me back towards the driver’s side door of my car. I tried to dig my keys out of my purse so I could push the panic button on my remote, but he noticed my hand in my purse and he grabbed it and threw it over my car, I watched it sail away and as I turned to look at him, he threw a punch that caught me square in the jaw. My knees buckled and I thought I was going to pass out. He grabbed me by my hair and pulled me to him and then he literally picked me up and slammed me down on the hood of my car (looking back now, I remember my alarm chirped one time when he threw me on the hood, this would save me later) and started punching and slapping me about the face and neck. He was hitting me, but it wasn’t hurting, I guess it was the adrenaline pumping, I was able to cover up pretty good and block a lot of the strikes to my face. He had me on my back with my feet off the ground, my legs were apart and he was standing between them. He grabbed me by throat and was holding me down and still trying to hit me. I rolled onto my side and kneed him in the ribs a couple of times, but didn’t think I had enough leverage to do any harm, he wasn’t reacting. He got another good lick to the side of my head which stunned me again, my body just went limp. I had no control. My brain was telling me to do something, but my body wasn’t reacting. He stood up and punched me in the ribs so maybe I did hurt him and he was paying me back. He stopped hitting me and I felt his hands go up my sweater. He was squeezing my breasts and pinching my nipples really hard. I tried to knee him again and he flipped me over onto my stomach and hit me in the back of the head. I was spent, the adrenaline, the punches and the struggle had taken their toll, I was losing the fight, and I was going to pass out. He reached up my skirt and literally ripped my panties off my body. I felt his hand on my vagina.
I remember saying to myself. Ok, he’s going to rape me, but hopefully he isn’t going to kill me. I was saying fuck, fuck, fuck what to do, what to do. I started pounding my fist on my hood and on the third hit I was able to set off my alarm.
Lights flashing, horn honking. He pulled me to my feet and tried to punch me again, but I was able to block it. The force of the strike still knocked me backwards and I tripped over a parking barrier and landed on my rear. He took off running. I heard a car door and tires squealing as he left. It took me a couple of minutes to compose myself enough to get up and run for the stairs. All and all I would say that the whole attack took three maybe four minutes.
When I reached the upper level, my friend was standing by the elevator, she took one look at me and I swear, I actually saw the color drain from her face. She took a few steps back and I thought for a second that she was about to take off running.
“Do I look that bad? Is my face ok?”
The way she was looking at me, I thought for sure that he had done some major damage. She sat me down and dialed security, she pulled a Kleenex from her purse and began to dab my face.
“Ouch, that hurts.”
It stuck to my face soaked in blood. I looked down and noticed that there was blood all down the front of my sweater. She pinched my nose closed.
“Put your head back”
We need to stop the bleeding.
“are my teeth ok?”
“I don’t know honey, they look ok, but there’s so much blood it’s hard to tell.”
I ran my tongue around the inside of my mouth, my teeth felt ok, but I felt like a flap of skin inside my lower lip.
I pulled my lip down,
“what is this?”
“it’s a cut, but it doesn’t look too awful bad,”
I didn’t believe her.
Security finally showed and a couple of them went downstairs to look, and preserve the scene for the police, who showed up shortly after the paramedics. I wanted them to wash my face, but the cops wouldn’t let them until they took some photos. After some pictures were snapped, the firemen were allowed to clean me up some while I was being questioned. “
“Do you know the person who did this?”
“Have you ever seen him before?”
“Yes.” (I explained the incident on the street.)
“Did he rape you?”
“Did he penetrate you?”
“NO! I believe he was about to.”
“About to what?”
“Rape me, isn’t that what you have been asking me?”
“I am sorry if these questions seem a bit insensitive, but I have to ask. Some rape victims don’t want to admit that they were actually raped.”
“I wasn’t, but it wasn’t for his lack of trying ok?”
“Did he have his penis out?”
“I don’t know, I was a little busy at the time to notice.”
“Sorry, I have to ask.”
My girlfriend intervened.
“Do you need to ask her these things right now; can’t you see how upset she is?”
He left me with the paramedics and went downstairs. A few minutes later an officer asked if I was up to revisiting the scene. The paramedics said I should go to the hospital, but I declined. When we got back downstairs I looked between the cars. I wanted my purse. It wasn’t on the ground where I expected to see it. Oh my God did he take my purse? Does he have my address? My house keys? They found it two cars over. I went over it again with the detective, showing where I was where he was. They found blood and a couple of my fingernails on the hood and on the ground.
“Was this dent in your hood here before or is it from you pounding on it to set off the alarm? Which I might add was very smart of you.”
“No, I am pretty sure that dent was caused by him pounding my head into the hood.”
There was even hair stuck in one of the windshield wipers. Seems we were finished at the scene.
Next stop was the police station. I wrote out a statement, signed it and had pictures taken. That was fun. A woman officer took the pictures while a male officer stood there watching.
“Ok, can you pull your sweater up?”
“Does he have to watch? I am not wearing a bra, and I am pretty sure that the jerk has my panties.” (They didn’t find them at the scene).
“Officer would you mind?”
He looked a little disappointed, but he left the room. She took pictures of my breasts, my butt and my face. Did I forget to mention the lovely close up of my vagina? Fortunately she didn’t ask me to sit on the table and spread my legs. They took my clothes and gave me an orange jumpsuit to wear home. The only person in the police station that seemed half way human was a young officer that gave me his police windbreaker.
“Here, you’re cold.”
I looked down at my chest,
“you’re shivering, You might be in shock “
I talked to the detective again and he told me that without a witness, the shitty video and no description of the car, there wasn’t much chance of finding the guy.
Before we were driven back to my car I wanted to return the young cop’s jacket, but he said to return it later,
“or just keep it.”
When we got home my g/f helped me strip and get into the shower. I made the water as hot as I could stand. She helped me with my hair and in the process we found three or four lumps on my head. Her by feel and me acknowledging by wincing each time she touched one. After drying off I surveyed the damage in my full length mirror. Fat lip, pretty bad looking cut inside my mouth, my cheeks were a bit swollen, the scratch on my left breast, and a scrape next to my vagina, and the various scrapes and scratches on my rear. Not that bad, considering.
I looked around the house for some pain killer of some kind, and as luck would have it found none. How can you live with a doctor and not have any good drugs lying around the house? Speaking of the doctor, I needed to call him, and I was dreading it. I knew he was going to freak. My g/f had some vicodin. I took two and washed them down with a shot of JD. I just want to lie down for a while, and I’ll call Rick.
“I’ll call him, just let me get you settled in bed.”
I slept for 5 hours, and when I woke up I felt like I had been caught in a stampede. There wasn’t a part of me that didn’t hurt, and something new also. It hurt to breath. I was naked and walked into the bathroom to pee. I stopped in front of the mirror again, and was shocked at what I saw. I had bruises everywhere, and bruises on bruises it seemed. My inner thigh, my right side, my neck, and my shoulder. I had a bruise on my back and on my left calf. My head hurt, my neck was sore and my jaw hurt.
My g/f was in the kitchen.
“I called Rick, he’s on his way home.”
“Thanks, I’d better call him.”
I picked up my phone, took a deep breath and dialed his number. I was going to use my best “Hi baby, everything is fine” voice, but as soon as he said hello, I totally lost it.
“I’ll be home by seven.”
I looked at the clock and it was 1:00pm.
A half hour later the phone rang, and my girlfriend answered.
“Yes, detective, she’s right here.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Like somebody tried to rape and kill me. How are you?”
“We got him!”
“We got the guy who attacked you, he’s in custody. We just need you to ID him.”
“Just as soon as you can come in.”
“It’s a long story, when can you come?”
“I’ll be there in an hour or so.”
“Ok, see you when you get here”
“Jess, they got him! They caught the guy!”
When we got to the police station I was ushered into the detective’s office. They showed me a photo line-up.
“Do you recognize the man who attacked you?”
I looked at the pictures.
“Number 2, that’s the guy.”
“Are you sure?”
“I am 100% sure.”
“And you’ll testify to that in court?”
“I will testify before God. That’s the bastard who tried to kill me.”
He had me circle the guy’s picture and sign my name under it.
“He’ll be charged with aggravated assault, and attempted rape. He’s wanted in Arizona for parole violation, and failure to appear on another assault charge against a male store clerk. He won’t get out on bail if that’s what you are wondering.”
“How did you get him?”
“That’s the weird part. He wasn’t alone in the car. See that guy sitting over there, in the green t-shirt? He was with him. He’s on parole. He was worried that someone may have seen the car, or got the plate number and he didn’t want to get caught up in a crime, because he would end up back in prison. He walked in this morning and turned his buddy in, and we went and scooped him up. You can’t talk to him, but if there is something you’d like to tell him I can pass it along.”
“I don’t think so.”
As we were walking out and in the same room with the guy I said
“you know there is something I would like you to say to him detective.”
(I got real loud) “Please tell him thanks for nothing. Tell him that he stood there and watched his friend brutalize me and he did nothing. Tell him that the only reason he did anything now was because he wanted to save his sorry ass! Tell him I said, Fuck you!”
“I think he heard you.”
“Is he under arrest?”
“Yes at present. He’s going to talk to the DA.”
“Why can’t you charge him?”
“We probably could, it would be iffy. The DA will probably offer him a deal if he testifies.”
I spoke to the DA and was told that the guy who attacked me would be sent back to Arizona to face the charges there, and would returned to Nevada to stand trial on the new charges sometime in the future. He added that the guy would most likely take a plea bargain rather than taking his chances in front of a Jury.
“I am going to try and charge him with unlawful detention along with the aggravated assault and attempted rape. Unlawful detention is more or less like kidnapping and if he is convicted, he could very well go away for life. I’ll drop the UD if he pleads guilty to the other charges. He’s already a two time loser so he may be charged under the career criminal act. (Three strikes) Asshole number two may skate in return for his testimony. I haven’t offered him complete immunity as yet. If the first guy takes a plea, and I don’t need his testimony, he could be charged as an accessory.”
Looking back to that night I made four mistakes, any one of which could have prevented the attack. Mistakes one and two have already been mentioned. I should have taken my dog, and I should have kept my keys in my hand. Mistakes three and four were complacency and situational awareness. I was complacent because I had done this many times before, and was familiar with where I was going. Situational awareness, I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings. I have read about stories such as this and my attitude was
“I would fight to the death before I would let anyone rape me”.
Tough talk. The truth of the matter was a real wake up call. This guy was able to overpower me so quickly and so completely that I didn’t have a chance. I had pretty much accepted the fact that he was going to rape me. There would be no rescue and the best I could do was to switch to survival mode. Submit to his desires and pray that it would be enough to satisfy his anger. I got lucky. This story should serve as an admonishment to be careful so I will close without adding another.